I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
