tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
