saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
