And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
