She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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