Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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