oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My cat gives me a boner
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
