Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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