i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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