If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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