Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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