I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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