You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
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You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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