also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
