$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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