Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
