you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
