TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My cat gives me a boner
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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