I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
