Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
