I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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