my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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