You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
