I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my shit smells like andre
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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