He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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