There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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