forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
this boner is exhausting
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
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It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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