am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
