She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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