His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
