jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
