just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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