Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
