I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
