Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
