This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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