you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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