I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
