i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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