just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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