Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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