I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
