She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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