Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
