All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
