I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
