Don't make out with my wife yet
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
