Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
