I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She bit a glass in half.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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