He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
