Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
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All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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