It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
