ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
