we're blogging at a bar
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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