we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
