my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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