i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
