I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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