Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
