Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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