And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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