just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
