She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
