BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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