OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
organizing the empties. That sober.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
