hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
