I am full of burrito and curiosity
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
