I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
bring money and cleavage
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
