Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you will always have a special place in my vag
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
