Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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