Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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