Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
