I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
