If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
